Method of Acquisition: Borrowed
Runtime: 98 minutes Year: 2008
Plot: In religious London, Ryan Phillippe is an angry mask wearing dude, fake Ian Curtis has an imaginary friend, an angst filled artist likes suicide, and a guy is looking for his son.
Review: It is a bad idea to wait until the end of the day when you are dead tired to watch a movie with multiple narratives. Luckily the costuming and casting were pretty fun so I didn't mind that I was confused as to what was going on. Sam Riley from Control was in it and so I decided he was Ian Curtis. Also since Ryan Phillippe generally gets a lot of pretty boy roles, I like to think he put on the mask was a way of uglying himself for an Oscar (i.e. Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, etc).The ending is pretty rad and all the story lines intersect. And there is a good long creepy bit of silent eye contact. I'd totally watch it again.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day 5: Artifacts
Method of Acquisition: Borrowed
Runtime: 75 minutes Year: 2007
Plot: A group of friends that don't remember how they met keep getting killed by their doubles who are tracking them through "artefacts".
Review: This is the Schindler's List of crap movies. First off the set design includes rotary phones, lava lamps, and indoor wind chimes. Despite the title being Artifacts, they misspell it as "artefacts" in a search engine. The only crying is single-tear crying. A mysterious man named Carl Francken appears and does nothing but give incredibly vague yet helpful advice and saves the day. In 75 minutes, it does nothing but provide mass entertainment.
Runtime: 75 minutes Year: 2007
Plot: A group of friends that don't remember how they met keep getting killed by their doubles who are tracking them through "artefacts".
Review: This is the Schindler's List of crap movies. First off the set design includes rotary phones, lava lamps, and indoor wind chimes. Despite the title being Artifacts, they misspell it as "artefacts" in a search engine. The only crying is single-tear crying. A mysterious man named Carl Francken appears and does nothing but give incredibly vague yet helpful advice and saves the day. In 75 minutes, it does nothing but provide mass entertainment.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Day 4: Serial Mom
Runtime: 94 minutes Year: 1994
Plot: Exactly what it sounds like: a mom goes on a serial killing spree.
Review: First off it is a John Waters movie. I tend to love most things campy. Also there was a reasonable body count, something that the atrocity that is Shutter, did not have. The gore wasn't too gory. The cast was rad: Kathleen Turner, Ricki Lake, Matthew Lillard, Patty Hearst, and a special guest appearance by Suzanne Somers (just to name a few). After years of Lifetime movies, I am used to getting bored once the crimes are committed and it goes to the courtroom. The courtroom scenes remain just as entertaining as the rest of movie. The only complaint I can muster is that John Waters did not make the Serial Mom miniseries starring Suzanne Somers that is mentioned in the movie. Kathleen Turner should really look for more roles in which she gets to scream "cocksucker" at Mink Stole. Incredibly entertaining.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Day 3: Shutter
Method of Acquisition: Borrowed
Runtime: 90 minutes Year: 2008
Plot: Pacey from Dawson's Creek let his ex get raped, so she comes back as a ghost and terrorizes him,his wife, and his friends mostly by showing up in photographs.
Review: Pretty crap. Nobody was likable. Pacey was an asshole and Mrs. Pacey did nothing but whine and look really sincere. I love 90 minute movies because they move pretty quickly, but instead it was "suspenseful". Suspense generally just means waiting for something to good happen and nothing good happened until the very end. Pacey's wife leaves him and so he starts snapping Polaroids and screaming the ghost. He throws the camera and somehow manages to snap a picture of himself. It turns out that the ghost has been straddling his neck since the very beginning and so he electrocutes himself in the neck and head. Then time has passed and he is in a hospital looking brain-damaged with the ghost on his back. At the very least, the suspense did eventually lead up to an ending I wouldn't have predicted, even if it did suck.
Runtime: 90 minutes Year: 2008
Plot: Pacey from Dawson's Creek let his ex get raped, so she comes back as a ghost and terrorizes him,his wife, and his friends mostly by showing up in photographs.
Review: Pretty crap. Nobody was likable. Pacey was an asshole and Mrs. Pacey did nothing but whine and look really sincere. I love 90 minute movies because they move pretty quickly, but instead it was "suspenseful". Suspense generally just means waiting for something to good happen and nothing good happened until the very end. Pacey's wife leaves him and so he starts snapping Polaroids and screaming the ghost. He throws the camera and somehow manages to snap a picture of himself. It turns out that the ghost has been straddling his neck since the very beginning and so he electrocutes himself in the neck and head. Then time has passed and he is in a hospital looking brain-damaged with the ghost on his back. At the very least, the suspense did eventually lead up to an ending I wouldn't have predicted, even if it did suck.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Day 2: Purple Rain
Method of Acquisition: Borrowed
Runtime: 111 Minutes Year: 1984
Plot: Prince is a very talented musician from an abusive home and Morris Day is trying to ruin his life by taking his women and gigs.
Review: This movie has everything I love about movies: musical montages, predictability, slap fights, and amazing wardrobe. The only major downside was that no one had a single tear falling down their face. There was a lot of dry crying and symmetrical crying but no single tears. The absolute best moment is while Prince is passionately singing about his comatose father and kisses one of the girls in the band on the cheek. She gets the best, most creeped out face ever. Also, it ends on a freeze frame of a big face. Big face endings are my favorite.
Runtime: 111 Minutes Year: 1984
Plot: Prince is a very talented musician from an abusive home and Morris Day is trying to ruin his life by taking his women and gigs.
Review: This movie has everything I love about movies: musical montages, predictability, slap fights, and amazing wardrobe. The only major downside was that no one had a single tear falling down their face. There was a lot of dry crying and symmetrical crying but no single tears. The absolute best moment is while Prince is passionately singing about his comatose father and kisses one of the girls in the band on the cheek. She gets the best, most creeped out face ever. Also, it ends on a freeze frame of a big face. Big face endings are my favorite.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Day 1: UHF
Method of acquisition: Borrowed
Runtime: 97 minutes Year: 1989
Plot: Weird Al goes from fast food clerk to running his own television station which becomes a hit overnight much to the dismay of a rival station owner.
Review: Everything in this movie can be put into at least one of these two categories: wackiness or physical comedy. Michael Richards plays a janitor who gets his own television show and has big teeth! How wacky! There is a battle where Weird Al has really big muscles! Even more wacky! Many of the new television shows that Weird Al puts on the station are wacky spoofs. A really awesome trophy makes a cameo and a good trophy can make up for a lot. All in all, it was awesomely predictable, but not as awesomely bad as I had hoped for.
Runtime: 97 minutes Year: 1989
Plot: Weird Al goes from fast food clerk to running his own television station which becomes a hit overnight much to the dismay of a rival station owner.
Review: Everything in this movie can be put into at least one of these two categories: wackiness or physical comedy. Michael Richards plays a janitor who gets his own television show and has big teeth! How wacky! There is a battle where Weird Al has really big muscles! Even more wacky! Many of the new television shows that Weird Al puts on the station are wacky spoofs. A really awesome trophy makes a cameo and a good trophy can make up for a lot. All in all, it was awesomely predictable, but not as awesomely bad as I had hoped for.
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