Goodbye crap movies. Hello zebra jokes!

I nearly forgot about this but as long as it exists, here is a link to my new project as well a video:

http://zebrahumor.wordpress.com

Day 18: Immortel Ad Vitam

Method of Acquisition: Borrowed

Runtime: TBD Year:TBD

Plot: Horus (the god) comes back to a futuristic world to impregnate a mutant with blue hair while in the body of a man with a metal leg.

Review: This is absolutely the hardest movie to pay attention to even while looking at the screen the whole time. So much weird shit happens in the background that it is impossible to focus on everything. Also Horus who is a man with a bird head talks through his neck. Some people are computer animated. Some are not. Oh and weird little dudes come out of the walls. So entertaining

Day 17: Kill Theory

Method of Acquisition: Borrowed

Runtime: TBD Year: TBD

Plot: A group of friends must kill each other until one survivor remains.

Review: It is a perfectly decent movie. The best part is that the great Taryn Manning is in it. Also the fat gay guy from Mean Girls is there and attempts to get all up on Taryn Manning. It is rather good but forgettable.

Day 12: The Final

Method of Acquisition: Borrowed

Runtime: 99 minutes Year: 2010

Plot: Tired of being bullied, a group of outcasts crash a costume party in masks, drug the punch, tie everyone together, and promise to torture them. The outcasts crash a costume party in masks, drug the punch, tie everyone together, and promise to torture them.

Review:  I guessed what the death order would be: slut, slut, black guy, slut, white guy, slut, white guy or something close to that. Then the day would be saved by the most virginal girl. Instead, white guys got tortured more than any other group. The black guy is smart enough to grab the weapon of a dead cop while running away, and saves the day. Another great moment: the one outcast girl simulates single-tear crying through her mask.

I am so used to horror movies being the most racist and sexist genre with absolutely no morals. This had nothing but morals. If you are having problems, building a sense of community is the best way to solve it. Don't be mean to people because they may want revenge. Don't be racist or you may get some spikes through the crotch. Don't be shallow because you may end up with acid on your face. Don't chop off your really nice girlfriend's fingers, because some Degrassi kid may sever your spinal cord. Always have an exit strategy. And most importantly, if running for your life, ALWAYS GRAB THE FIRST WEAPON YOU CAN FIND.

Day 4: Serial Mom

Method of Acquisition: Borrowed

Runtime: 94 minutes Year: 1994

Plot: Exactly what it sounds like: a mom goes on a serial killing spree.

Review: First off it is a John Waters movie. I tend to love most things campy. Also there was a reasonable body count, something that the atrocity that is Shutter, did not have. The gore wasn't too gory.  The cast was rad: Kathleen Turner, Ricki Lake, Matthew Lillard, Patty Hearst, and a special guest appearance by Suzanne Somers (just to name a few). After years of Lifetime movies, I am used to getting bored once the crimes are committed and it goes to the courtroom. The courtroom scenes remain just as entertaining as the rest of movie. The only complaint I can muster is that John Waters did not make the Serial Mom miniseries starring Suzanne Somers that is mentioned in the movie. Kathleen Turner should really look for more roles in which she gets to scream "cocksucker" at Mink Stole. Incredibly entertaining.